Ever Since
by glassesauthor
Summary: Lord Shen has always loathed his past, but now, as he sails back to Gongmen City after a prophecy foretold of a warrior of black and white to defeat him, he allows himself to think about why he's doing this, and what this is all for...


**AN:** **This takes place before Lord Shen is exiled from Gongmen City, so I guess when he is sailing back from his... trip.**

_May not be 100% canon, but liberties were taken._

_Also made a small update to my bio if anyone cares regarding future fics and some other stuff._

_Anyways, enjoy._

_:)_

* * *

It was when my parents looked at me with their shocked, terrified expressions that I knew that they didn't love me.

The look on my father's face, writhe in fear and anguish as my mother, wailed and sobbed into his shoulder, bemoaning the day when they saw me emerge from my shell, weak, wasting, and pitifully white.

* * *

Ever since I could remember, I always knew…

**They hated me.**

* * *

It was when the years passed by that I found out my parents would barely spare me a passing glance, always blaming their duties, the prosperity of their city, or some other inane reasons for ignoring my needs, sending me with the only one who looked at me without fear, without hate, as she held me in her arms as I whimpered.

Her warm fur, her soothing voice, her soft hooves, those were the only things that made me stop crying during my early years... my Nana.

She fed me, she clothed me, she taught me everything I knew.

She loved me.

* * *

Ever since I was in her arms, I always knew...

**I needed her.**

* * *

It was when my parents forced me to tour the city that I found him.

It was for appearance's sake that I was dragged out of the palace, Nana was left behind much to my dismay but my parents didn't care, the only thing that my parents cared about as they took me to see the city was saying that one day it would all be mine, so I should show the people some respect.

Respect? Me? The people? And they call me insane...

I was hated by all, this much was obvious, since the day I showed my face to my "people" they did nothing but constantly leer at me, they hated my feathers, my plume, my face, how weak I was, how fragile I am, that I was so unattractive compared to others in my family, but especially hating my color, white... the color of death.

They booed and spat at me, saying that I would die alone and miserable, as my parents did nothing but tell me to stand up straight as they did so, not even seeing the silent tears I shed.

I was used to this, I was used to being alone, I was used to being unloved.

But this all changed when I saw a wolf boy, leading his brothers and sisters into an alley.

I don't know why, but for whatever reason, I wanted to see what they were doing.

I found an opportunity to sneak out of my parent's vision as I tread carefully towards the alleyway, not wanting to alert anyone when I saw them fight each other like savages.

The wolf boy from earlier was fighting one of his brothers with a knife, stabbing and forcing the other to dodge constantly.

I watched the brutes pummel each other, slashing and biting as I felt myself enjoying the bout, even... smiling.

However, I must've let my guard down because I was quickly grabbed by one of his sisters, who threw me down into the pit.

The wolf boy leered at me, calling me far from home as he taunted about how I was a "white ghost of a prince", his brothers and sisters chuckling lowly as they stared at me as if I was some object, some piece of trash someone left behind.

My face contorted into pure anger when I saw his knife on the ground, probably dropped during the fighting as I quickly picked it up and slashed his face.

He fell down in a heap, his brothers and sisters shocked as he stood up, touching his pain gently where I slashed him, before growling angrily as I stood ready to attack before suddenly he started... laughing, laughing harder than I heard anyone laugh before as his brothers and sisters cheered me on.

I was confused, but not angry, as I never felt this before... this... acceptance.

He punched me on my shoulder before giving me his name… I forget, but his smile made me forget about the hatred, forget about the pain, as I felt my lip curl up in response as well.

Suddenly, I heard my parents calling my name as the wolves fled, as the wolf boy winked and told me to keep his knife.

My parents found me in that alley, dirty and with a small bloodstain on my robe as I said I fell by accident chasing a butterfly.

They shook their heads in shame as they grabbed me by the talon and forced me to continue on my tour, while I made a small smile as I touched my new memento.

* * *

Ever since that day, I always knew…

**I made a friend that day.**

* * *

It was when I visited the summer festival with my parents, taking me to see the pride of our great city for some political reason no doubt, that I discovered my love for fireworks, watching how they exploded in the air, crackling fire and colors into the night sky, how I was so enamored by it.

In fact, it was enough for everyone to ignore my ugliness and simply enjoy their night, even in my presence, their happy expressions matching mine, the smiling pigs, the grinning sheep, the beaming bunnies, and as for them…

They looked… proud, holding each other as my father suddenly, unconsciously put his talon on my shoulder, not saying a word, simply watching the explosive colored gunpowder blow up and light the night sky.

That was the first time he touched me without hate, without disgust, and I… liked it, I wanted… no… needed it… I craved for more.

I closed my eyes, savoring this rare moment with bliss, hoping that it would never end.

But as with all things, nothing lasts forever, for as soon as my father put his talon on me, he pulled it away, and walked back into his palace, my mother following close behind as I stood there, my moment of happiness, taken an instant.

They told me simply that the festival was over and now it was time to go to sleep.

As Nana watched me go to bed, smiling as she touched my cheek with tender care as she wished me a good night, I feigned sleep as I stayed up that entire night, wondering why my father loved me for a brief moment and what was it that had made him look so… happy.

That's when I knew, the fireworks!

That's why he cared for me that brief second, the fireworks were so beautiful, so stunning, that he forgot about the waste of life that is me and actually treated his only son with care.

My mind brimming with new ideas I started to sketch ideas, ways to harness the power of fireworks, and maybe… some day… earn my parents' love.

* * *

Ever since that night, I always knew…

**This was the only way.**

* * *

It was on my birthday… I can't remember the exact year but I was soon to be crowned Lord of Gongmen City that my parents gave me another precious second of their attention and granted me their birthday present, the key to the alchemy labs, where I was finally able to experiment with fireworks.

I worked day after day, experimenting, testing, and trying every single way to find some way, some new, unique way to harness the power of fireworks, the shock and awe it creates, all for one singular, noble purpose as I found it.

Gunpowder could create fire and explosions, metal could be forged into sturdy weapons, two powerful components on their own, but when combined…

It would create something revolutionary, something mighty, and something that would finally, finally earn the love and respect I always deserved, that I was owed!

I would call it a cannon, a weapon that would bring victory to anyone who can use it, a weapon that I can use to protect our city… no! All of China! I would be a hero! I would be respected, saluted, and perhaps even... the emperor… yes… the emperor undisputed of all of China.

Emperor Shen, that sounded right to me, it sounded as if it was my destiny...

I laughed with great joy and pride as I finally found my ambition in life, Gongmen City was just the start, but with all of China bowing down to me maybe... finally... my parents will...

I ran towards the palace, I had to tell my parents of my newest invention, it would make them so proud... but I needed materials, lots and lots of materials.

I needed fire and metal, any kind would do, and men… yes, the wolves would do, but… wait... something was happening within the palace halls.

It was my parents… and Nan- the soothsayer?

What… what were they doing…?

I could hear them talking… something about a prophecy?

A dark path… me…?

What…? Did they think I was… evil?

No… no… I… i'm not... I...

Wait, they are talking again…

I would be… defeated? Me? Prince… no… Lord Shen of Gongmen City?!

Absurd, preposterous, I cannot, I will not…!

I need to...

…

…

Heh…

Heheheh…

Ha…

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ha...

...

So...

I would be defeated by a warrior of black and white… I see… I see.

So, the pandas then… of course, then if that is the case…

Then I will make sure that will not happen.

No panda, no warrior of black and white, or anyone in that matter will stand in my way of conquest.

Nobody.

For I am Lord Shen, the future emperor of China, and all will bow before me!

* * *

Ever since I took my wolves, massacred the pandas, and stained my talons in blood, I knew…

**My parents would finally love me.**


End file.
